Florida Gator, Along With 1 Million Other Gators, Reportedly Have Ties To ISIS

A report released today by the Office of Homeland Security indicates not only is ISIS here in the United States, but it’s recruiting dangerous groups and organizations with a willingness to act. As of now, 1 million homegrown violent alligator extremists are operating in Florida alone, planning and carrying out plots. Of those captured, deceased, or on the FBI watch list, almost 90% of them were affiliated with ISIS. The remaining 108,000 known dangerous alligators have pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula, Salafi jihadists, or the Nusrah Front.

Walt Disney World is just the latest alleged “backer” of ISIS alligators, accused of letting them use their resort lagoons for dangerous, technical operations which resulted in the death of a toddler just this week. Disney denies these allegations. Terror experts are sending out warnings all across the southern states that homegrown alligator extremists aren’t finding it difficult to operate within the United States borders, leaving us vulnerable to future attacks.

“There are over 200,000 alligators in the Everglades, but over 1.5 million in the state of Florida,” said Homeland security Jed Rivers. “These territorial gators are on a mission to wipe out Americans. We are warning the public to avoid airboat rides at gator parks, refrain from swimming in the swamps, and fishing in the lakes. Until we get this under control, no American is safe.”

Donald Trump vows to put a ban on Muslims and alligators when he becomes president of the United States. “We will have a sale on gator boots,” said Trump. “United States made gator boots, belts and handbags. You can’t mess with us, we are the greatest.”