Government To Ban The Use Of Forks In Restaurants “They Are Deadly In The Hands Of Gluttons”

The new ‘Fork Control’ law that President Obama announced on Tuesday is designed to keep forks out of the hands of people who have the potential for gluttony.

Obama defends this new law aimed at “keeping forks out of the wrong hands.” But whose hands are considered the wrong hands? That’s where the controversy stands. According to the bill, legislators are hoping to reduce the obesity epidemic in America.

 “We have to put a stop to this deadly epidemic in our country. Forks are killing hundreds of thousands of Americans. If people keep gaining weight at this rate, we will have no military in the next 25 years because nobody will be able to pass the fitness test,” said President Obama. “So we see the need to remove forks from restaurants and replace them with chopsticks. Chopsticks will limit the amount of food you can put in your mouth at one time, aiding in better digestion. Hopefully, we can learn from Asians and adopt some of their customs. Trust me, it’s for the good of all Americans.”