A 23 hour Internet shutdown on Wednesday caused mass hysteria amongst Americans age 2 to 89 as they lost communication with the outside world.
“This has been the most disastrous scenario in America since the closure of the Hostess Twinkie plant,” said Fox News analyst Brian Scheer. “It has forced these Americans to pick up the phone to communicate, and speak with people person to person. We have seen an 829% increase in emergency room hospitalizations due to the stress caused by the downed internet forcing people to interact with other human beings. I just can’t believe this is happening. And it may happen again. We are not safe.”
Scheer believes that we could see another incident occur within the next week due to solar flares affecting satellites in orbit. He is suggesting that if this does happens again, Americans stay strong. Do not try to contact another human being face-to-face or via the phone.
“We are not used to this type of pressure, actually talking with other people. Doctors are suggesting people just stay inside their homes and keep to themselves. We do not need any more hospitalizations due to being forced into this age old way of communication. It’s just not worth the risk.”