Your #1 Source For So Called “News”
Straight Stoned was founded by our forefathers on a dark and stormy day during the Civil War. Gradually, Straight Stoned has grown to be one of the most iconic brands in the known Universe. We report on news that occurs lightyears away and bring it to you directly, faster than light speed. You are sitting there and asking yourself, “How is this possible? Is Straight Stoned that great of a news source?” The answer is yes. We are the greatest of all time and will continue revolutionizing universal news for the next 7 trillion years – until the dark and chaotic environment of the universe rips us a part in it’s final moments. Even then, we’ll still report it – if anyone is still on the internet..
Most importantly, if you believe any of this, you are dumb as rocks. Welcome to the lovely satirical world of Straight Stoned.
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