U.S.—As America looks forward to leaving the pandemic behind and getting back to normal, Dr. Fauci went on a media tour to say “not so fast!” According to America’s wisest sage, there are new, exciting, and dangerous variants of COVID-19 on their way, which may require another round of lockdowns.
“America’s spirit isn’t completely broken yet,” said Fauci. “There are still a few pockets of hope and optimism out there. I estimate that at least 3 or 4 more variants of the virus may be required to fix that and completely break America’s spirit once and for all.”
Democrats are hoping that a few more lockdowns will do the trick of breaking down resistance to government spending, vaccine passports, and The Green New Deal.
“America spent two centuries cultivating a brave and independent spirit– it’s just gonna take a bit more time to finish breaking that down,” said computer chip tinkerer and human being tinkerer Bill Gates.
“Just be patient,” said Fauci. “This will all be over soon.”