New Research Shows Women Owning More Than Two Cats Can Be a Sign of Mental Illness

Women with cats are typically put into one of two stereotypes: the crazy cat lady or the career driven woman who can’t seem to get a man.But if you’ve ever owned one of these furry felines, they’re kind of nice to have around. Unless that is, you’re a dog lover. But new research is painting a different story of women who own more than two cats. A dim, sad existence that not too many people on the outside are aware of.

While your friend may look happy and confident on the outside, she may have some serious problems going on inside of her head.

According to the University of Stanford, owning more than two cats is a serious sign of mental illness.

“If you’re trying to date a woman, and she owns more than two cats, run. It’s not worth the drama,” said Terrence Rogers, head researcher. “While studying 200 women, we found the 98.2% of them actually groom their cats with their tongues. This is through two years of documentation, hidden cameras, and interviews. We couldn’t believe what we saw.”

Other results of the test included that a large amount of the women studied ate cat food, meow at their cat during communication, and some even went as far as defecating in the litter box while trying to potty train their kittens.

“You’d never know that these women performed this way behind closed doors. That is just part of the crafty, tricky behavior of this illness,” Rogers added. “Currently, we are trying to find a medication that will stop this behavior. However, until then, we can expect to see a 220% increase in odd, catlike behavior from women owning too many felines. We suggest, if you know a woman that owns three or more cats, that you discuss this matter with them calmly, and try to get them to talk about it.”